Day: oh whatever...am leaving....

Ok, have been remiss of late.  Since this Slummy Mummy has decided to leave the UAE for the moment, I have been too distracted to write about the experiment although I have been sticking to plan (sort of).  DH and I had a smoothie in the mall today and four year old boy insisted on MacDonalds -- I'm talking jumped up and down on the spot and insisted.  I gave in.

Why did I do it?  Well, I recently read a very interesting article which stated that research has proven that it's not so much what you exclude from your diet which determines health, but rather what you include -- meaning if you are going to eat a MacDonalds happy meal, you can off-set it by having a smoothie as an accompaniment.

I use the same logic with drinking -- OK, so I might drink too much wine, but I drink far too much freshly squeezed orange juice too.  By my reckoning I'm cancelling one out with the other.  One attacks the liver, the other one helps it, meaning my liver is never left alone and is at once being attacked and then rehabilitated.  It's not so much as an internal organ as an extra child, the one I mistreat and dislike, but spend my life trying to make amends  for my lack of love. Amen.

Day 20: Jamie's fish pie

This recipe is just perfect for me since, unlike the other fish pie I made, this one doesn't require that you make a sauce -- you just throw everything together in a dish and cover with mashed potatoes and place in the oven.  And like everything else in life, I 'followed' the recipe in the very loosest sense of the word, using the ingredients I had, rejecting the stuff I didn't have, and adding anything extra I had lying around in the fridge.  


The result was almost perfect, but next time, personally, I would add cream to the mix, as Jamie suggests, since it was a little dry and ever so slightly bland.  The children were underwhelmed, but again, this was mainly due to the fact that I had fed them too late (will I ever learn?)


DH hardly commented on the meal since he was stuck to the laptop (which was placed on the dining table beside his plate)  trying to find the England v Ireland rugby match for the 6 nations... I may as well have given him a pot noodle for all the notice he took -- that combined with the children's indifference made me feel the entire meal was a waste of time and money (the ingredients were pretty expensive actually) and I sat there miserably, sipping at my wine glass (yes, yes, I know...again!) wishing I'd left it for another day.


The project needs an injection of excitement this week, as I feel it has fallen flat, both for me and the children.  They have become less interested in pleasing me and I haven't mentioned Australia in ages -- must reintroduce that threat this week.


For the record, I didn't have celery but had some chickpeas sitting in the fridge doing nothing, so I threw those in.  I used salmon fillets and smoked mackerel and crab sticks.

Jamie's fish pie
• sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 1kg potatoes
• 1 carrot
• 2 sticks of celery
• 150g good Cheddar cheese
• 1 lemon
• ½ a fresh red chilli
• 4 sprigs of fresh flat-leaf parsley
• 300g salmon fillets, skin off and bones removed
• 300g undyed smoked haddock fillets, skin off and bones removed
• 125g king prawns, raw, peeled
• olive oil
• optional: a good handful of spinach, chopped
• optional: a couple of ripe tomatoes, quartered
main courses | serves 4 - 6 
This is a fantastically simple fish pie which doesn’t involve poaching the fish or making a tedious white sauce. Loads of good, fragrant veg are added quickly by grating them in. You can use whatever fish you like, making this as luxurious as you want it to be. If you like your fish pie to be creamy, feel free to add a few tablespoons of crème fraîche to the fish.
PS Some of the supermarkets now offer lovely packs of different fish and shellfish for using in fish pies. Keep a look-out, and if you buy one you want it to be about 700–750g in weight for this recipe.

To prepare your fish pie
• Preheat the oven to 200°C/400°F/gas 6 and bring a large pan of salted water to the boil
• Peel the potatoes and cut into 2cm chunks
• Once the water is boiling, add your potatoes and cook for around 12 minutes, until soft (you can stick your knife into them to check)
• Meanwhile, get yourself a deep baking tray or earthenware dish and stand a box grater in it
• Peel the carrot
• Grate the celery, carrot and Cheddar on the coarse side of the grater
• Use the fine side of the grater to grate the zest from the lemon
• Finely grate or chop your chilli
• Finely chop the parsley leaves and stalks and add these to the tray
To cook and serve your fish pie
• Cut the salmon and smoked haddock into bite-size chunks and add to the tray with the prawns
• Squeeze over the juice from the zested lemon (no pips please!), drizzle with olive oil and add a good pinch of salt and pepper
• If you want to add any spinach or tomatoes, do it now
• Mix everything together really well
• By now your potatoes should be cooked, so drain them in a colander and return them to the pan
• Drizzle with a couple of good lugs of olive oil and add a pinch of salt and pepper
• Mash until nice and smooth, then spread evenly over the top of the fish and grated veg
• Place in the preheated oven for around 40 minutes, or until cooked through, crispy and golden on top
• Serve piping hot with tomato ketchup, baked beans, steamed veg or a lovely green salad

Day 19: Hair of the dog wurzel pizza

So, having bought all the ingredients for Jamie's fish pie, I got home and decided I couldn't be bothered, besides, nobody would appreciate it today.

And so, arriving in from Spinney's with a bag of ingredients, I inspected the cupboards to see what else I might make that would require almost zero effort before I hit on the brilliant idea of pizza made from Wurzel bread (love that name, I only buy it cos it makes me think of Wurzel Gummidge 'Ooh Aunt Thally, a cup of tea and a thlice of cake!)

Opening a bottle of wine, I carefully filled a glass before slicing the Wurzel loaf lengthways.  Taking a cautious sip, I spread tomato passata over the loaf.  Taking another sip, I then sprinkled Emmental  over it.

Taking a big swig now, I placed the makeshift pizza on a baking tray and placed it in the oven.

Pouring another glass, I waited ten minutes until the pizza was bubbling.  I then searched for an oven glove, but alas, there was none.  Using a hand towel from the bathroom, I removed the baking tray.  Taking a sip, I attempted to slice up the wurzel pizza -- burning my fingers, I decided to wait a minute before trying again.  

Becoming impatient, I sliced it anyway before placing the slices on a plate, I then sprinkled them with torn up parsley leaves.  Another sip et voila! The children and DH wolfed them down leaving me to suspect that I might in fact be the new Keith Floyd...

Wurzel pizza and a hair of the dog glass of vino...just call me Keith!

Day 19: Treats aren't always bad

I have been slack this week -- we've still been sticking pretty much to the program, but I haven't made an effort to introduce anything new. This is due to the mid-week illness among other distractions.

Yesterday being Saint Patrick's day AND Charity day at school meant exceptional circumstances: The children had some jelly and a cupcakes at Charity day, which was not too bad considering the usual abandon which would rein during such an event.  After that, we headed to the mall where they had fish and chips -- again, it was an unusual day and anything is permitted in moderation.

In the evening we headed up to the Sailing Club in RAK where the children had 7 ups and crisps and mummy had several glasses of white wine and a Black Russian!  Yum, but ouch my head today!

It is important to allow these treats and dropping of standards occasionally to avoid becomming obsessive and  militant about what your child eats.  Nobody wants their kid to to be the lone figure at the birthday party nibbling on a carrot stick packed by mummy because they don't eat 'junk' -- not only does it alienate the child but makes a silent judgement on everyone else who do allow these treats. We all know someone who is fanatical about what their child eats, to the point of being anti-social, but who hold no such fanaticism about what they themselves eat and in fact are often overweight.

Anyway, there's not much chance of that happening, certainly not once they have a say in the matter since I know that should nine-year-old girl fancy a treat, she merely disappears out with her pals and goes to Starbucks for a slice of that insanely good peanut butter chocolate mudslide cake that they stock at the moment (when we were kids a 10p mix was a treat!)

At the time of writing, I don't know what I might tackle for dinner later -- I shall take a wander around Spinney's for inspiration and report back later.

Day 17: Finally, the sneaky chef!

Well, I finally got to try one of my 'sneaky chef' recipes.  To explain the concept; the recipes are based around a few 'make-ahead' purees in various colours -- purple puree, green puree etc... which are made up of superfoods such as blueberries, spinach, carrots etc..; you then 'sneak' these purees into the recipes and they are virtually undetectable in the dish, a great way to get children to eat food they'd otherwise reject out of hand.

Tonight I made spaghetti bolognaise with 'green puree' *(recipe below) sneaked in.

Anyway, the children eyed it suspiciously before nine-year-old girl pronounced - 'Oh this is spaghetti bolognaise' and then went on to eat the whole lot!  This is very impressive because nothing on earth would persuade her to eat spinach given the choice.

The boys made a decent stab at it although weren't that hungry since they'd had strawberry and banana smoothies after getting in from school followed by turkey rolls before heading off to the mall so that I could do some shopping and they could knacker themselves out in the soft play area.  Oh, sorry I meant - so that they could develop their gross and fine motor skills while playing in a fun and safe environment!  Yes, whatever; call it what you want; but it works!

Nine-year-old girl went off to play with her friend and confided later on that when her friend offered her chocolate milk at her house, she accepted it but said it didn't feel so good to drink it any more.  Now, I'm keenly aware that it is her birthday next week and she is on her very best behaviour and is going out of her way to curry favour at present, but none-the-less, I felt she she was genuine and was indeed beginning to feel differently about food.  We shall see...


Make Ahead Green Puree  (from thesneakychef.com) 

Makes about 2 cups of puree This recipe makes about 2 cups of puree; double it if you want to store another 2 cups. It will keep in the refrigerator for up to 3 days, or you can freeze 1/4-cup portions in sealed plastic bags or small plastic containers.

- 2 cups raw baby spinach leaves*
- 2 cups broccoli florets, fresh or frozen
- 1 cup sweet green peas, frozen
- 2 to 3 tablespoons water 

(for the record, I used just spinach, green pepper and parsley as that is all I had...I don't think it matters too much what you use as long as it's the right colour)

*note: I prefer raw baby spinach to frozen spinach for this recipe (more mild flavor); if you must use frozen spinach, only use 1 cup of it.


> If using raw spinach, thoroughly wash it, even if the package says "prewashed."

> To prepare on the stovetop, pour about 2 inches of water into a pot with a tight-fitting lid. Put a vegetable steamer basket into the pot, add the spinach and broccoli, and steam for about 10 minutes, until very tender. Add the frozen peas to the basket for the last 2 minutes of steaming. Drain.

> To prepare in the microwave, place the broccoli and spinach in a microwave-safe bowl, cover with water, and microwave on high for 8 to 10 minutes, until very tender. Add peas for last 2 minutes of cooking. Drain.

> Place the vegetables in the bowl of your food processor along with 2 tablespoons of water. Puree on high until as smooth as possible. Stop occasionally to push the contents to the bottom. If necessary, use another tablespoon of water to smooth out the puree.

Day 16: Malady strikes the experiment

You may have noticed, dear reader, that the experiment ground to halt yesterday, seeing no postings at all.  And no, contrary to what you may think, I wasn't busy peddling my Unofficial cookbook for the girl with the dragon tattoo (they weren't interested), but was in fact tragically ill with a vague condition, the symptoms of which involved feeling too nauseous to eat (a sip of water confirmed that it was indeed a bad idea), being very hot and then very cold, and just wanting to lie on the sofa all day and sleep.

It is times like these that I'm grateful I don't have a proper job, as spending a day in this manner would be impossible otherwise.

And no, this has nothing to do with fertility, baby was suffering the same malady and in fact, still is today, and a couple of the others are complaining of tummy aches.

The effect on the experiment was such that when the children came in from school, they had no option but to finish the leftovers from their lunch-boxes and then wait for their father to land in with Cheese Maneesh in the early evening, while I drifted in and out of consciousness.

Today we're not much better...I've still only managed to cautiously chew some dried papaya and pineapple and am dubious about the steak which lies waiting for me in the fridge.  My previous enthusiasm for the smoothie maker has been temporarily halted and at present the children are eating peanut butter sandwiches.

I'm hoping to make an attempt at proper cooking later, when DH makes an appearance, but until then shall dish out juices when requested but other than that, hope they stay upstairs playing Playstation and that the baby sleeps as much as I'd like to.

Please, tips and recipes below....am getting a little disheartened by the whole process...(and I think nine-year-old girl is sneaking off to the mall with her pals for clandestine donought and ice-cream eating).

It's a set back, but every cloud delivers a silver lining -- and this is no exception -- since I have most definitely lost several pounds over the last 36 hours which is all that matters once the memory of fatigue and nausea has faded.

Day 14: Harry Potter and the lazy cookery book

We've hit a plateau: the children are tiring of the project and I'm fed up having to cajole them every step of the way: this evening saw all four of them take a few bites of the chicken satay with rice, before leaving it behind them (eight-year-old boy requested a ham sandwich at bed time).  Realising I needed to up my game, I decided to seek out some kiddie-friendly recipes that might inspire the children and myself.  I came across a cookbook entitled 'The Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook' which describes itself as 'more than 150 magical recipes for wizards and non-wizards alike' (talk about trying to cover all bases), with accompanying website.  Seizing upon it as a possible way to invigorate the project, I clicked on the link entitled 'recipes'.

Oh what a con!  The recipes were a miserable list of winter favourites with the odd Harry Potter reference thrown into the title for good measure.  Such as, Aunt Petunias fruitcake (which is basically fruitcake) or Hagrid's Fruitcake (ditto...how lazy is that??) along with a handful of other recipes which don't even pretend to have any connection with HP at all, such as French Onion soup or Beef and Guinness stew!  Talk about cashing in on a cash cow!  Glad I didn't bother to buy the book!  

This got me thinking, perhaps I'll have a go myself: 'The Unofficial Twilight Cookbook' perhaps? Nope, beaten to it by 'Love at first bite: The Unofficial Twilight Cook Book' which includes incredibly imaginative and genuinely terrifying vampire recipes such as 'Jacob Black's grilled cheese sandwich' (woooo!), and 'Tuna sandwich' (Ooooh, I'll never sleep again!)

Would you buy this book?

But I think I've hit on it -- how about 'The Unofficial Girl with the dragon tattoo cookbook'?  It could contain recipes such as 'Lisbeth's Gravlax' or 'Blomkvist's Smorgastarta' and cup after endless cup of ‘Erika Berger’s Coffee’!  Hmmm, forget about the kids, I think I’m on to something!  Now, to find a publisher…..

Day 14: Notes on kitchens

I miss my kitchen in Ireland.  It was a labour of love and the result of months and years of obsessively scouring 'Country Homes and interiors', 'Country living', 'Beautiful kitchens' and 'Ideal Home' magazines for inspiration on what might be my 'dream kitchen'.  Utterly convinced of what I wanted, but unwilling to pay the inflated  prices being asked in Ireland, I commissioned a hand-painted, distressed, wooden kitchen from somewhere in Derby (I found it on ebay).

On a cold winters morning, sometime in November 2006, me, DH and our then one-year-old (who is now six-year-old boy) headed off on the ferry to Liverpool in a rented long-wheel-base-van, to collect it.

We met the kitchen-maker in an Ikea car park in Warrington, where we transferred the units into the back of the van, and then headed back to the ferry which was due to depart in three hours.  Eight hours later, as we drove around a small village in Wales, with one-year-old yelling in his chair between us, we were followed into a cul-de-sac by a lilting Welsh policeman who kindly asked where we were going.  We finally made it to the ferry, three crossings later...

Similarly, my pillar box red fridge was bought from a company in Germany over ebay since it worked out half the price for the same item in Ireland.

The dining table was painted cream and distressed, with two large benches either side for the kids.  I had a beautiful large hand-painted dresser filled with little bits of pretty china and decorative biscuit tins.

The overall effect was very pretty in a shabby-chic way and I loved it and I'm now beginning to recall that I actually cooked in it, in fact, I did everything in it and spent many happy hours sitting at the kitchen table, reading the paper, chatting with friends over coffee and drinking red wine with DH into the wee small hours.

Which brings me to the purpose of this eulogy about my kitchen: I think that kitchens here in the UAE have something to do with the demise of my enthusiasm for cooking.  Kitchens here are ugly and small since they are the preserve of the maids and staff; functional, not decorative.

Our first kitchen in Al Ain was dingy, dark and ugly, with flimsy plastic cupboards and harsh strip-lighting and almost immediately on moving in, my interest in cooking began to wain. In fact, I actively hated being in it and would shuffle in to the fridge to refill my wine glass but other than that, avoided it at all costs.

The kitchen here in RAK is better, but it's still not very attractive.  I really believe that you have to feel comfortable and happy in your kitchen if you are to spend any time in there.  In my opinion, a kitchen should be the heart of a home, where the family come together to eat, chat, socialise and, it has been known, to dance!

In the UAE, houses are built around the public areas where guests are entertained: either in large hallways/reception rooms or living rooms.  Staff shuffle in and out from the kitchen (which is sometimes an outhouse to the back of the house) bearing trays and teapots.

While this truth may hamper my experiment, it won't defeat it.  After all, the kitchen here in RAK is bearable, but I do pine for my lovely kitchen which, sadly, never felt quite perfect during the three years I lived there and I was always seeking ways to improve it -- just goes to show that we're never satisfied with what we have.....

In this..........? (which is a bit like my kitchen in Ireland)

Where would you rather cook?

Or this................? (RAK kitchen)

Day 14: Snacks and wisdom...

Just a quick note for this morning.  Yesterday on the way to Mirdif we stopped at the petrol station for drinks and snacks.  Usually this means 4 bags of Cheetoh's (which smell like trainers worn without socks!) and strawberry milk.  As I climbed out of the car amid a squabble of voices shouting their requests, I decided to ignore them and see if we could do 'healthy' out of ADNOC.  I emerged minutes later with flavoured water and packets of dried fruits and nuts, pistachios and peanuts.

I was met with shouts of dismay and refusal, but they were soon happily tucking in.  I could almost call it a success except for the fact that four-year-old boy threw up all over himself minutes later (always charming although his neighbouring brother wasn't quite so impressed!); although I don't think it had anything to do with the snacks.

In the mall I caved and allowed the two eldest to have pizza, but the younger two happily shared a pasta dish.

On the way home we got caught up in the mother of all traffic jams due to a crash in Sharjah.  For forty minutes we watched ambulances, vehicle recovery trucks and police cars race up to the scene ahead of us (and six-year-old boy peeing into a bottle, much to his joy).  This is not an usual thing here of course, where driving is outrageously dangerous and where many nationalities don't wear seat belts.

As the car crawled along at a snails pace, my daughter commented on the car beside us which saw the parents strapped in the front but the children free and roaming around in the back.  'Look at that, mum' she said 'that is very bad parenting'.  And in a sudden moment of sagacity, I said 'yes, and that would be the same as if me and dad ate poached salmon and spinach for dinner while you lot ate happy meals....it would mean I wasn't taking proper care of you'.

She mulled over this for a moment and I felt I had imparted some profound wisdom to her.  'Can I have a chocolate brioche?'


Ah well....

Day 13: Hangover korma

Yesterday was a hangover day meaning I had zero interest in cooking so I ordered a takeaway from the Rupee room.  Knowing how fussy they are, I ordered chicken korma's for the children, along with boiled rice and garlic naan breads.  Nine-year-old girl saw the food being delivered and asked 'what did you order?'  'Indian' I replied.  'Then I'm not eating it' she spat and stomped out of the room.

'Is it pizza?' asked four-year-old boy.  'No, it's yummy rice and sauce' I told him.  'Then I'm not eating it!' he lisped.

'Everyone come and sit down and eat' I shouted.  They grudgingly obeyed.  Nine-year-old girl screwed up her face and tasted the korma.  'Yummy!' she declared and minutes later was asking for seconds.

Four-year-old boy flatly refused to taste his food, despite threats, bribes, promises, tears and raised voices.  Eventually I managed to get him to agree to just taste a tiny dot on his tongue which resulted in him declaring 'ooooh it's delicious' and eating half of what was in his bowl.

Korma is always a winner, although personally it's so bland I can't see the point.

I shall shortly head to Carrefour to do some shopping for the week.  RAK Carrefour is so utterly awful, particularly at the weekends when it is filled with hoards of single men who visit it with the express reason of staring at ladeeees, that I'm heading into Mirdif in Dubai instead (and perhaps a little retail therapy and a nice cup of coffee...ah, who am I kidding?  I will have five children with me....)